Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Eyesore of the Week 11.23.05

For your viewing enjoyment, I give you the Eyesore of the Week...

Straight outta the city of Rogers, I present to you the most schizophrenic house I've seen in awhile. This house has, count 'em, SEVEN different facades on the front of it, most of which provide no benefit for the inside of the house other than the covered entrance for the front door. Here we have the whole skyline of a residential city street on the front of one house. It's like recreating an entire village, all at one address. This bumbling piece of shite is the most discombobulated house I've seen this month. I get dizzy just looking at the front of it.

[clunk, clunk, clunk] - (the sound of my head banging against the wall while trying to digest the composition of this boxy disaster.)

This is what the new houses look like around here for the most part. Many of the houses being built in Bentonville and Rogers are more than $300,000. And what do you get for your quarter million? CRAP! The best part about this is that the Northwest Arkansas Homebuilders association thinks that this is the most beautiful piece of American craftsmanship that they can provide the people of NW Arkansas with.

Spending money on a house like this reminds me of Isaiah Thomas running the New York Knicks. They have the highest payroll in the NBA, and who do they have on their roster? 4-5 superstars? No, utter, and complete junk. They're a train wreck, and it's costing the franchise millions to put a team on the court that is so bad, Larry Brown might quit before he even makes it the requisite 3-4 years before he usually abandons a team.

[And yes, I just made a NBA reference. And I don't even LIKE the NBA.)

The guys who are mass producing pieces of crap like this house, don't even realize that their houses are atrocious-looking. The Emperor is fully naked, and NOBODY realizes it. It'd be humorous if it wasn't so sad.

It's kind of like the movie Pearl Harbor. After all those negative reviews and people walking out of the theatres, director Michael Bay and producer Jerry Bruckheimer don't even know why their movie sucked. They don't even think it sucked. They just think it was some failure of marketing, or some sort of failure by the viewing public at large.

And before you accuse me of being some sort of neo-traditionalist who only likes old houses, there are PLENTY of new houses I like — It just so happens that most of them have four walls and a door, not 8 facades, 86 right angles, and 24 different roof pitches.

Maybe I'll start a collection of houses that don't suck in NW Arkansas for your viewing pleasure...